That’s right. Sadly…you read it right.

As I write this, I’m overcome with a sense of loss. Unlike normal “celebrities”, this one touched the hearts and minds of quite a few and provoked them to not only laugh, but think as well.

There’s going to be a piece missing that will never get filled again in this world. No one can come close to what he had. No way in nine hells. He was so controversial even the fucking Devil wouldn’t touch him. He hated everything equally and would make a joke at any one’s expense.

I recall seeing a youtube video a few months ago where this assfuck was trying to heckle him. Carlin, being the deviate bastard he is, just ripped his ass out from under him and made him look like a complete fool, and went on telling his joke. Never even flinched or stumbled.

He’s wrote three great books that are highly entertaining, countless cds, dvds, and hbo specials. He was doing what he loved doing best right up until he died, being that his last show was last week.

So please. For a moment, lets bow our heads for our fallen friend. As you close your eyes to do so, recite these words loud, and proud:

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, Fart, Turd, and Twat.

Goodnight, Mr. Conductor.

M. Smalley

We’ll start by giving thanks to Degenerate Bastards everywhere. This particular article is based off of Cheap (generic) brand shit that really isn’t that much of a bargain if you consider these things…

1.) Bringing back the says of grade school….Those cheap ass fucking crayons. Roseart and the like. What the fuck? More of a soft wax with food colored piss for color than actual art supplies. They break fucking easy. *Sneeze* Fuck..there goes the whole box. Fuck. They even wear down fast…pretty much one swipe leaves a quarter of the damn crayon on the fucking page.

Even more insulting when they get you the fucking GIANT CHEAP CRAYONS! The ones where you have to stand on the fucking desk and hold it with both hands just to fucking work it around on the page!

2.) Cheap fucking toilet paper! Fucking doesn’t matter if it’s even two ply! If it’s cheap, you’re fucked. If it’s one ply though, the chances of you getting a piece of ass….your own, mind you…is now doubled. Not to mention the normal wiping that takes fucking double the time, and double the fucking cheap toilet paper. Most of the damn time it’s like wiping your ass with some nice…soft…steel fucking wool! BONUS!

3.) Soda. READ MY FUCKING WORDS. Offering me a knock off soda will get you kicked in the fucking genitals. Especially if the flavor is “cola”. There is no acceptable form of  generic flavored cola that I’ve found. They are all horribly nasty in their own unique ways. Listen to me. Sam’s Choice is what that fucker is drinking NOW. It’s fucking embalming fluid mixed with fucking sludge from the Ohio river with a dash of afterbirth for that nice kick.

The only notable exceptions I have found is when it comes to Orange and Grape drinks. They’re “acceptable”. I’d prefer Sunkist or Welches because of the bite to them, but the cheap shit has a decent flavor to it.

4.) Fucking Chips. Just because it says “Compare to *brand-X*” on the fucking bag doesn’t mean it’s good. Trust me. I compared them…and…yep…you guessed it. THEY FUCKING SUCK!  Cheese Flavored Tortilla Chips are NOT the same as Nacho Flavored Doritos. Just because they’re fucking trying to copy doesn’t mean they’ve succeeded. You know what it tastes like? Very very crappy processed corn meal with very very crappy cheese powder applied with a fucking sand blaster. To only. The chips. That end up. On the bottom. OF THE FUCKING BAG!

To Be Continued.

It’s not like we’re all acting this way year around, but maybe…just maybe you have a twinge of remorse when you set up that “accident” aimed at the annoying wanker of the workplace.

Or maybe when you soda bomb the dumbfuck in the drive through of (insert any restaurant here), when they got your drink wrong for the ##th time this year.

WELL NOW YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT GUILT!!!!

We shall put our best foot forward…
right in the genitals of anyone who gets in our way.

Join us, by being a Bastard back to the people who treat yourself as well as other people like shit for no god damned reason. Help other’s stand up for themselves.

The old fuckers that feel entitled. Yeah…you know the pricks. Expect to be able to cut in line. You hold the door open for them, they just walk by without saying thank you, nodding, or even making eye contact. Start acting like you’re going to hold it for them, and then just shut the door in their face after you walk in. Better yet…trip the fuckers!!!!

Now…for those of us who act like Degenerate Bastards anyway! It’s OUR MONTH! Let’s take new Bastards under our wings and teach them how to get people to fear The Bastard!!!!

We’ll be holding the first annual Bastard BBQ later this month! Look for details soon!

Well, woke up today with no problems…well besides the one’s already present. I’m using Visine Tears formula every now and then to get shit nice and lubricated. Wearing an eyepatch after I tape my eye shut with gauze while I sleep/nap. Annoying? Highly.

I’m also wearing it when I go out for the most part. I got some new sunglasses to help with it. A bit on the pricey side, but they help out immensely. I’m relearning to eat and drink with this thing a lot easier. It’s a challenge but fuck it. I’m going to win.

The only new symptom I have today happened a few hours ago. It feels like a small bit of pressure is being applied from the inside on my cheekbone. Not uncomfortable. Just there.

I go to my doctor tomorrow, and get his opinion and hopefully he’ll have something else to say on it, than what those ass hats at the ER did. If you’re reading this. Avoid the ER. They don’t give a shit unless your arm is cut off. Fucking band-aide station!

Smalley