After all the shit that’s happened. Our drunk, idiotic, sycophantic land lady has decided to give us thirty days notice. During the course of the phone call(…that’s right…she called…instead of fucking talking to us in person…), she stated a couple of the main reasons for her “decision” is:

Ready?

Are you sure?

We didn’t coat the roof…

Let that sink in a minute….

Yeah..you’re thinking it too. Of course this is the same bitch that told us to do what was needed when we first moved in. We ripped up the 15 year old carpet that was so flattened, and the padding that didn’t have any PADDING left. I can’t neglect to mention that it had PISS all in it at random spots. The piss was so sunk it…it rotted the wood below. There are more than a couple of spots we had to completely cut out and refloor. Then to match the kitchen where it was already refloored, we stuck more on top of it. That way it’s a whole uniform floor now. Also spent money on getting the linolieum squares.

How much money? Enough. And then the bitch threw a fucking fit. Only knocked 80 bucks off of rent. That didn’t come anywhere near it. So yeah..fuck me once…*shudder* I’ll go rip my ass off so you can’t have it again..  But yeah…we do work to the place. We’re working out of our pocket first and then she may/may not knock it off rent. Not to mention the fucking time and sweat it takes to do it. Hot water heater blew it’s pipe. That was a fun night. This place has no shutoff valves. Had to shut it off at the goddamn meter. Which is at HER HOUSE, a few hundred yards down the road. Had to pay for a plumber to fix that. Out of pocket. She said we shouldn’t have fucked with it…and didn’t knock it off of rent.

Bitch. Let me tell you something. When we open the closet up and we see FUNGUS resembling BOW TIE pasta the size of a fucking pepsi can I’m kinda fucking curious.

Open up the little cubby. See a small pinhole stream just jetting out down the wall. Fun…..FUCK YOU!!!

Anyway..yeah..back on the subject of the she-whore. We didn’t coat the roof. You know why? Say it with me now. NOT OUR FUCKING JOB! It’s her property. I’ll maintain it. But I’ll be a little baby backed bitch if we pay for anything outta pocket first anymore. She finally got the cans of stuff. Instead of getting a fucking 5 gallon bucket which would’ve hit the room pretty good. She gave us three gallons. Guess what. Didn’t fucking work did it bitch? Naw.

She finally got her fucking brother out there to do it. No prob. I kept him company. He’s pretty damn cool, even though he fucking kept hitting me up for some of my fucking vicodin. Makes me wonder how he knew I had any. Hmmmmm….

So yeah. He finishes it up, this is on a Sunday. A week later, we give her the rent for the month of October on Thursday. The weekend we take a trip to the In Laws. Let me tell you..peace…quiet….fuck yeah! Monday comes around we get that call.

Reason number 2!!!!

We didn’t clean up the blown down trees in the back yard. You know. The ones that only a windstorm could move. Like it did…back…..during…that windstorm maybe. Yeah you fucking whore. You remember don’t you? YEAH!! There ya go! That’s the goddamned ticket!!! The one that left us without power for a nice little bit. Damn..someone give that bitch a cookie!!!

Tick Tick Tick. They’re fucking huge. I am NOT going to go buy a damn chainsaw, just for those fucking trees. FUCK YOUR MOTHER!!! Here’s the kicker: She had someone come out and cut hers up on the property she lives on. Been too much trouble to send’em down here. This is the same bitch that said next time I hop on the riding mower and ride it up from my mom’s, to stop buy and give her yard a good “swipe” because her riding mower is fucked up. Yeah…Wash your back so you don’t stab mine?

So yeah. That’s her two reasons. I’m wondering if she came in our house that weekend while we were gone too. Can’t prove it, but I do have a good gut feeling. Like I know now…that the bitch had been planning this a bit before she got her brother to coat the roof. Just clicks all into place.

Much like the fact her son moved back in with his little girl a month ago. Much like the fact that she’s a drunk bitch who wants them out of her house, so she’ll kick us the fuck out and let him live here rent free. What’s the matter bitch? I thought you rented this place out to make a living? (And right after she told me that I said, “Yeah..I know…I live there to live there…”)

Which she said she’s going to let her son move in so she don’t have to deal with renting it out anymore, and…

She wants us to leave the place like it was when we moved in.

So all I gotta do is goto the dump, get some raggity ass carpet with no padding and throw it down and piss on it for long time and leave it out to stink it up good. Get my cats, dog, Chloe, turtle, and anyone else who wants to, to also piss on it. Cut a 3 foot by 1 foot hole right in front of the front door. Piss on the wood and let it rot it out by the bar. Take the innards of the toilet and replace it with the junk that wouldn’t even let us flush. Unpaint the walls. Punch, kick, bite, tear, fuck holes back into the walls. Un run all my cable and rig it back up. Unmulch out front. Plant two dead blue spruce trees, unburn a bunch of shit that was left in the burn pile out back. Revert the deck out back into a death trap by taking out the piece of wood blocking the non existant stairs leading to a 10 foot fall. Take off the new rubber seal for the refridgerator and put a torn one that leaks cool air.

Oh…and put a rickety ass rusted mailbox with no door on the post strapped down with a wire. (yea…I’m serious).

And I know for a fact we’re not going to get our deposit back since you fucking drank it the week we probably gave it to you. So kindly fuck off.

And thank you so much you fuck ball. Good time to fucking fuck us over isn’t it. November. Good times. So close to Christmas. Good ol’ Holiday Cheer.

I hope when Santa sneaks into your house to take a shit in your stocking he’s as quiet as Sonny Bono’s tree detector!